Congratulations on the impending birth of your son! I understand you're having trouble deciding what to call the little angel. Tell me, Nicky, have you considered naming him Death?
No, really. Death.
Death as in Death Bogart, the hero of my mystery, Death and the Redheaded Woman.
It would make a lovely baby name!
For one thing, it's versatile. You can say it "Deeth," like Death Bogart. Or, you can do like Dorothy Sayers' classic detective, Lord Peter Death Bredon Wimsey, and "pronounce it to rhyme with breath."
It's short and easy to spell, and yet it's unique. It's unlikely there will be seven Deaths in his kindergarten class. Teachers would remember it. He won't get bullied (who would bully Death?) and you can discourage telemarketers by introducing yourself as "Death's mother" and say things like, "if you're looking for Death, you've come to the right place."
And, since it's only one syllable, it would be easy to shout out the back door at dinnertime. I'm sure the cops would stop showing up too.
Why are you giving me that look?
I sense you're having a craving. Possibly blood.
Okay, okay, so it is a bit...exotic. I understand. You want something traditional. One of the classics, perhaps.
Tell me, Nicky, are you familiar with the classic Johnny Cash song, "A Boy Named Sue"...?
Loretta Sue Ross