WHEN STRANGERS TRUMP FRIENDS AND RELATIVES

Many of the authors here at Inkspot have written about the support they receive from family and friends. But what about the deep dark secret few of us are willing to discuss, let alone admit to? What do you do when you discover that close friends and relatives have either never bothered to buy your books or haven’t even bothered to read the free copies you’ve given them?

I don’t like confrontation with people I have to interact with on a fairly regular basis. I’d rather wrap myself up in my hurt feelings and slink back into my cave. But the hurt lingers for a long time.

When I was writing in the romance genre, I rationalized the lack of support by telling myself some people just can’t transcend the romance genre stigma, even though my books were far from what some people describe as “those” books. No embarrassing clinch covers with bare chested heroes and heroines with heaving bosoms. There were, however, a few sex scenes, and I know some people get really squeamish reading sex scenes.

There are no sex scenes in my mysteries, though, and I dare anyone to find objection to my covers. (See for yourselves.) 

Also, it’s not that these people don’t read. They do. Just not my books, apparently.

One close friend who lives in another state admitted she hadn’t bought my latest book because there are no bookstores near where she lives. I guess she’s never heard of Amazon although she is quite computer literate and does shop online all the time.

One relative only reads “literary” fiction. Another waited so long to buy my first book that it was out of print by the time she got around to it. And a third isn’t buying my books because her daughter is an aspiring author who hasn’t been able to sell her manuscripts. Like that’s my fault???

Then there’s my mother’s friend who told me she wasn’t buying any more of my books because she bought my first one and never got around to reading it. I bit my tongue, but what I really wanted to do was remind her of all the overpriced crap my mother had bought from her kids and grandkids throughout the years for their cub scout, girl scout, and school fundraising drives. Crap either loaded with fat and calories or that simply took up space and would never be used. Yes, thin mints and samoas are delicious, but the popcorn always arrived stale. And how many bottle openers does any one household really need? My books both entertain and they won’t make you fat.

So when I receive a fan letter or email from someone, I treasure that correspondence. I recently received a lovely note from an 81 year old man who took the time to send me a handwritten letter, telling me how much he enjoyed ASSAULT WITH A DEADLY GLUE GUN and was looking forward to the next book in the series.

I’m contemplating adopting that gentleman. Total strangers going out of their way to tell me how much they enjoy my books when some of my own friends and family have shown how little they care? That to me is priceless.

What about the rest of you? How do you deal with friends and relatives who act the way some of mine have? And for those of you who aren't writers, do you have family members and friends who have hurt and disappointed you in some way? How have you dealt with that hurt and disappointment?