Mrs. Famous

By Deborah Sharp

I was butt naked on a hospital exam table when I realized being Mrs. Famous isn't all it's cracked up to be.

My epiphany occurred during a colonoscopy. Everyone of a certain age – okay, past 50 – should have the procedure. Katie Couric even had a scope inserted from the bottom up on national TV a few years ago to check the health of her colon.

Which brings me to my husband, Kerry Sanders, pictured above. He's nowhere near as well-known as the network anchors are. But as a correspondent for NBC News, he's still seen by millions, reporting from wars and disasters, infamous trials, and the occasional cushier assignment.

For Kerry, it’s his job. But unlike selling insurance or fixing teeth, the fact that his job is on TV renders even sophisticated people star struck. Trust me on this. Let’s say my husband was at a cocktail party with Albert Einstein, Mother Theresa, and Shakespeare, all amazingly resurrected. Guests would bypass the genius, the saint, and the most famous playwright ever to make a beeline to the guy they’ve seen on TV.

''You covered Casey Anthony,'' one party-goer might say, ignoring Einstein riffing on relativity. ''What was up with that verdict?''

''Tell me,’’ another would gush, as Shakespeare scribbled sonnets unnoticed, ''what's Matt Lauer REALLY like?''

We've been married 22 years. I've become accustomed to watching people's eyes go glassy when I talk about what I do.

''I saw Kerry on the news,'' they’ll interrupt. ''Tell him I didn't like that yellow tie.''

I thought things might be different at the hospital, as several nurses arrived to prep me for my procedure. They all gathered 'round my gurney . . . and started quizzing my husband about TV. As usual, I was the invisible woman.

''Is Al Roker really as nice as he seems on the Today Show?’’ one nurse asked.

''I used to watch you reporting from Baghdad,’’ another said. ''Your eyes are SO blue.’’

''It’s funny, you look taller on TV,’’ the last nurse told him, my IV forgotten in her hand.

''Hey! Watch that needle,'' I yelled. ''Terrified patient here.’’

Finally, they wheeled me off to the colonoscopy room, leaving Kerry on his own to wait. As things got underway, I remember an open-backed gown, a chilly breeze, and insistent prodding from behind. The last thing I recall were these words from my doctor, as he began to scope:

''I still think about Kerry reporting from Hurricane Katrina.’’ Poke. Dig. Poke. ''How does he do those kinds of stories?'' Dig. Poke. Dig.

Just then, thankfully, the drugs kicked in. Away I floated to my happy place: A land with no TV, where someone – occasionally – will ask about me.

How about you? Do you ever feel overshadowed by a better-known or higher achieving family member? What is the weirdest place anyone’s ever chosen to ask you about them?

BTW, the colonoscopy results came back fine. When I called the insurance company later to iron out a billing problem, the woman on the phone noted Kerry’s name on the family policy. ''Hey, is that the same Kerry Sanders that’s on TV?’’

''Yes.'' Sigh. ''It is.''

Baby, I Was Born This Way

I was never what one would call normal. Apparently when I was six-weeks-old my mother gazed down at her bundle of joy only to find that joy staring up at her with fierce determination (her words, not mine), and Mom got a chill. Even as a babe I was scaring people. It got worse as I got older. When other girls were playing with My Little Pony, I was making She-Ra Princess of Power and her minions go on quests to stop slavery and conquer my brothers' He-Men and Transformers. Growing up with only brothers did not help me find my inner girlie girl. I don't think I ever had a tea party or played house (unless it was a fortress made of skulls), but ninja princess and assassins were standard after school. (I have been killed approx 124 times by various brothers who loved to come up behind me, run their finger across my throat or point a Nerf gun to my head, and inform me I was dead. Don't worry, I gave as good as I got.)

Then at the ripe age of about eight I got into horror movies. It all started with Tremors. For those of you not into cult classics, Tremors is a movies staring Kevin Bacon where giant underground words attack a small desert town. It's way better than you think. My best friend's brother showed us this film, and I spent the next five years sleeping on the top bunk in case the worms happened to show up in Virginia and Florida in search of a little girl Happy Meal. (It could have happened!!!) It scared the beejepers out of me, but started my love of the gory and horrific. (Thank you Ned and Susan Hannon). Horror is my favorite genre of book and movies. Zombies, Freddy Kruger, demons, I love them all. As you may have guessed my parents are pretty liberal when it came to their children. As long as we weren't in physical danger to ourselves or each other we could explore the world and learn the consequences. (See top bunk incident). They got a lot of crap from other parents and relatives for my strangeness. My grandmother actually pulled my mother aside to voice her concern about me "going over to the darkside." She even put this concern into painting form, which still hangs in my hallway to show how close I came to being engulfed by the darkness. (Yeah, me and Darth Vader) .

I got the last laugh, though. My first book features zombies, werewolves, vampires, and a machete. I still watch horror movies, I still do more masculine activities like shooting and going to comic book stores with my bros. So the strange child grew into a strange adult. With a book deal. Sometimes going over to the darkside can be a good thing. I did not become a serial killer or suicidal cutter as they worried about...at least not in real life. Yet.

My favorite movies age 3-8 and some of my biggest influences today:

The Monster Squad

Big Trouble in Little China

The Princess Bride

Adventures in Babysitting

Return to Oz

Howard the Duck

Labyrinth

Romancing the Stone

What were some of your biggest influences? Did anyone treat you strangely for wanting to spend your days thinking up ways to murder people? Discuss.

Jennifer Harlow, Mind Over Monsters

Author Websites

How important are author websites?  They are incredibly important!!!

I am speaking directly to authors here - You have spent an incredible amount of time, energy, blood, sweat, and quite possibly buckets full of tears, all to create your manuscript.  And if you earn the golden ticket of publication, you then need to give a little attention to an online presence.  I am not saying you need to blog daily, nor do you need to join every single group or new social media widget out there...  but you have to, at the very least, have an updated website.  Why?

Because if you have written something that is worthy of publication, you will have readers out there who fall in love with the words you have put on the page.  And when we, as readers, fall in love with a book or a character, we seek out more information!  I want a little more info on you, the author.  I want to read about what made you write and if you are writing more.  If I can find you, and learn more about you, the more likely I am going to remember who you are and that bodes well for future books.

Ok, ok...  maybe I am preaching to the choir...  you know this...  but do you have a kick-butt website?  Is it updated and fresh looking?  Or is it the same style or format that it has been for years?  Is it too dark?  Funky fonts? Does it look like this?  It's ok to build your own if you know how.  But if you could get a website built for free, would you go for it?

You would?  Well, let me introduce you to Midnight Inker Cricket McRae...  who happens to be doing a giveaway...

The prize is a free, custom-designed Author Website from Bizango Websites for Writers, plus two years of free hosting. The website comes with a set of easy-to-use tools that enable the author to update it themselves. It's value is well over a thousand dollars.

Check out Cricket's blog for the details.  This is a great deal for both established authors and authors who hope to be published soon...  I know I have followers that fit in both critera, so check it out.  :)  And best of luck!!

Take My Genre, Please.

The brisk air crackled with unanticipated excitement on the septuagenarian morn; blue-black crows cawed their nervous greetings above the ever-rolling hills, purveyors of nuisance. Beyond the craggy, distant, snow-covered, imposing peaks,—

Muse: Stop. Please stop.

—a plume of wispy smoke wisped up to the azure sky, signaling—

Muse: Oh, stop, stop, stop, STOP!

Me: What?

Muse: What are you doing?

Me: Writing a scene. Why?

Muse: I step out for a minute to stretch my legs and this is what happens? What’s with all the adjectives? And dude, use a dictionary.

Me: I thought I’d try something different.

Muse: We’ve been through this. Your readers don’t want different. They want you. Your voice. Writing what you write. No space aliens. No romance novels. No vampires.

Me: What’s wrong with vampires? They’re popular, you know.

Muse: There’s nothing wrong with vampires. But you’ve never bitten about vampires before.

Me: Hey,I’m the writer; you’re just here for inspiration. Please leave the wordplay to me.

Muse: See what happens when you try something new?

Me: Point taken. So you’re saying to stick to what I do best.

Muse: Exactly.

Me: Like simple sentences with simple words? Sentence fragments? One adjective per page? Stories about normal people in sticky situations?

Muse: It’s what your readers want. Frankly, you can’t handle much more than that.

Me: So no stories about talking trees? I was hoping to branch out.

Muse: Maybe we should both lay off the wordplay.

Me: Agreed.

Muse: Take your Last Laff mystery series. Please.

Me: Of all the muses I could get, I’m blessed with Henny Youngman? I thought we were going to stop the funny-biz.

Muse: Sorry. But seriously, in that series, you’ve taken a fairly normal protagonist, at least for a stand-up comic, and put him into a sticky situation. That’s what your readers expect from you. That’s what will make them happy.

Me: Not my sense of humor?

Muse: You’re lucky it’s not that. In your books, there’s some humor, but they’re primarily suspense/mystery stories. The humor is just a backdrop. At least that’s what you’ve been telling me.

Me: So what should I do if I feel the burning desire to write in another genre?

Muse: Try to quench it.

Me: And if I can’t?

Muse: That’s what pseudonyms are for. And personal journals. And Twitter. And epublishing.

Me: Oh.

Muse: One more thing. According to my union, it’s one muse per genre. So you and I would have to part company. And I know you don’t want that.

Me:

Muse: Well?

Me: Is my next muse likely to be funnier than you? Or at least nicer?

Muse: No.

Me: Okay, then. Let’s get back to work.

 

What about you, Inkers? Have you had the urge to write something in another genre? What’s been your solution?

 

(BTW, that’s a picture of my muse working a pool party on his day off. I guess I don’t pay him enough.)

 

Alan

Summer Reading Quiz (Optional!)

I recently was on Greater Boston with Emily Rooney, a popular local show on PBS. I was one of three writers invited to share our summer reading picks in four categories. The show was a blast and all of the books got a slight bump in sales. Here are my picks:

Fiction: The Believers by Zoe Heller. This is about a prominent left-wing lawyer who lives in a Greenwich Village brownstone with his cynical, foul-mouthed English wife. They have three adult children. When the lawyer has a stroke and goes into a coma, his wife finds out he had a secret life. The book is a spot-on portrait of the upper-middle-class left-wing Jewish intelligentsia but the best thing about is the writing – it’s witty, acerbic, sophisticated, insightful and heartfelt. The Believers is wicked entertaining, Heller writes like nobody’s business.

Non-fiction: A Ticket to the Circus by Norris Church Mailer. This is a memoir of her 32-year marriage to Norman Mailer. Church was an Arkansas high school teacher when they met and fell madly in love. Suddenly she found herself at the pinnacle of New York’s cultural elite. The book is full of literature, sex, and celebrity – everyone from Oscar de la Renta to Oscar de la Hoya makes an appearance. But the best thing about this book is the voice – Norris Church is down-to-earth, funny, honest and wise, just the kind of gal you want to spend a long summer afternoon with. A Ticket to the Circus is delicious fun.

Guilty Pleasure: Tales from the Yoga Studio by Rain Mitchell. This novel, the first in a series, is sort of Sex and the City set at an LA yoga studio. It centers on the interconnected lives of five women who practice at the studio. I do a little yoga and I find the whole yoga “movement” satirical. This book captures it perfectly and the writing sparkles. I laughed out loud and by the end I was genuinely touched. Tales from the Yoga Studio is the perfect beach read.

Classic: Mildred Pierce by James M. Cain. Most people know Mildred Pierce from the Joan Crawford movie, but the book is nothing like that. In fact, it’s like nothing else anywhere ever. Set in a vividly portrayed 1930s Los Angeles, it centers on an obsessive mother-daughter relationship and features one of literature’s greatest evil daughters. Part noir, part lurid melodrama, part je ne sais quoi, it’s tawdry, sexy, blistering and compelling. This book goes all the way – and then some. Mildred Pierce is a blast and a half!

There you have it. Do you like my picks? Hate them? I'd love to know what everyone else's choices are.

Happy summer and happy reading to one and all (it's a great summer to crank up the AC and spend the afternoon with a book or two).

Inkspot News - July 23, 2011

Lots of press this week for several Midnight Ink authors.



Two items for ROBIN ALLEN's clean, humorous amateur sleuth mystery, If You Can't Stand the Heat.

1. Virginia Wood, long-time food editor of the Austin Chronicle, wrote a wonderful review in the current issue.

"My most enjoyable reading diversion so far this summer has been a new culinary mystery..."

2. For one week (7/20/11-7/27/11), Amazon.com is selling the Kindle version of the book for $2.99.

* * *

DEBORAH SHARP's Mama Sees Stars (September 2011) received a starred review in Library Journal.

"This zany fourth entry in Sharp’s series is a feature worthy of the big screen...The mystery aisles can always use more humor, and Sharp delivers..."

* * *

JESSIE CHANDLER's Bingo Barge Murder was featured on local Minnesota station KARE11 as a great summer read.

"If you like funny, fast-paced Minnesota flavor..."

* * *

For one week (7/20/11-7/27/11), Amazon.com is selling the Kindle version of JESS LOUREY's Knee High by the Fourth of July for $1.99.

Dangerous: Writing while Reading, by Jess Lourey

What, if anything, do you read while writing? For me, usually nothing. I’m a full-time teacher and a mother of a 12 and a 9 year-old. I also have a wonderful boyfriend, serve on the national board of the Mystery Writers of America, am active in Tae Kwon Do, and volunteer in my community. When I add writing a novel on top of that, reading is usually the first thing that has to go. However, the young adult novel I’m working on at the moment requires a great deal of research. I find myself writing in fits and spurts, broken up by necessary reading, and it’s driving me crazy!!! I can’t meet my 2000-word-a-day minimum, and I feel like a humongous slacker.

So maybe this post is more about asking how you all make time for writing. I get asked that question regularly, of course. Every writer does. One time, a couple years ago, I half-jokingly (which=embarrassingly true) told a reporter that I have time to write novels because I don’t watch TV, have a social life, or shower on the weekends. That become the two-page, full-color headline for the article, over a photo of me with my 19-year-old cat in my arms: “I Don’t Have a Social Life and I Don’t Shower on Weekends.” This is how cat ladies are born, people. Shame combined with the realization that personal hygiene is negotiable.

Nowadays, when I teach creative writing for MWA-U and am asked how I make time for my writing, I gently correct my students. We all make time for what is important, I say, so the question is not how to make time for writing but how to make writing important to you.

That answer works great as long as you’re not under deadline, right? I need to get this YA novel done by September 1, the December book in my Murder-by-Month series by December 1, and I hope to have a magical realism novel completed by May 1, 2012. I had it all within my grasp, right up until I realized I had far more research to do for the YA novel than I had allotted time for. So I repeat: how do you make time for writing, especially when it requires researching?

On a profoundly unrelated note, last month, my publisher kindly put forth June Bug as a free ebook download. Tens of thousands of copies were downloaded, and even more exciting, the sales of the other five books skyrocketed. You know what else? The entire six-book e-series is still in the top 10,000 ranking for Amazon.com’s Kindle downloads, weeks after June Bug has returned to full price. Thank you to Midnight Ink for their brilliant support and inventiveness, and for allowing me this opportunity to reach a new group of readers.

And finally, this is my last post for Inkspot. I’m going to toot my own horn and say that starting this group blog was my idea a few years back, and it’s morphed into this amazing thing through the efforts of some of the best writers in the business. Thank you for your time and friendship, Inkspotters, and I’ll continue to follow your stories with great anticipation.

p.s. Breaking news!!! Thanks to an Amazon.com promotion and some more forward-thinking from my publisher, Knee High by the Fourth of July is a $1.99 Kindle download for this week only. Read on!