Books, Glorious Books!

By Sheila Webster Boneham


Twice a year, the Friends of the New Hanover Public Library here in Wilmington, NC, hold their humongous book sales. They take over half the large entry foyer, the large event room, part of the sidewalk, and more. I couldn't begin to guess how many books they put out, and just thinking about the organizing makes me want to take a two aspirin and a lie-down! Many of us bibliophiles look forward to THE BOOK SALE for months. Then we descend on the place like college athletes at an all-you-can-eat buffet. 

Books! Glorious books!

And it was THIS PAST WEEKEND! 

My husband and and I spent some time there yesterday. Who knows how much time? Who cares? Roger is much more controlled than I am. He came away with a movie CD (that cerebral Steve Martin classic The Man with Two Brains). He uses the library a lot, but in the conventional cost-free way. 

I bought books, but only as many as I could carry in my fully-extended arm. I was good, but don't think I wasn't tempted to grab a box (ok, several boxes) like so many of the book-sale patrons. I saw one woman at the check out with two BIG boxes full of paperbacks. I was a little envious, although I would have spread my selections across a few more genres than just the one she chose. 

I'm a pretty eccen.., er, eclectic reader. Among my choices this time....Black Elk Speaks by John G. Neihardt, which I read many years ago and had been thinking about recently - fortune smiled. Ines of My Soul by Isabel Allende, one of my favorite authors. Somehow I never read this this one. The Opposite of Fate: Memories of a Writing Life by Amy Tan. Several mysteries and thrillers. 

What is it about book sales? We have a wonderful new-and-used bookstore downtown -- Old Books on Front -- where we can find plenty of lovely books every day. We have Pomegranate Books, another Indie bookstore that has mostly new books, but a selection of used books that has served me well. (I also work with owner Kathleen Jewel to offer individually autographed copies of my books.) Maybe it's the ticking clock, or the crowd of buyers and lookers, or just the tables and tables and tables of books, glorious books. 

One of my best pleasures at these sales is encountering old friends. Oh, sure, there are the two-legged kind. I always see people I know prowling the aisles. But I mean the paper, glue, and ink kind of old friends. Books I read ten or twenty - or forty - years ago. I smiled at the 1984 spine of Cold Sassy Tree by Olive Ann Burns. I remembered long-ago all-night reads with Sidney Sheldon's The Other Side of Midnight and Stephen King's Thinner and Dean Koontz's Tick Tock, and delicious hours with Annie Dillard's Pilgrim at Tinker Creek and Gretel Erlich's The Solace of Open Spaces. Some of those are still on my own shelves at home; others are like friends we meet every few years at reunions.

Speaking of those shelves at home.... I clean them out every so often and donate books I've enjoyed but know I won't reread any time soon. I think it's a good thing to do. It lightens my material load (something I've been working on for several years). It gives other people the chance to buy bargain-priced tickets to worlds I've enjoyed. And because the sales provide funds for the library, whatever few dollars our books bring in go to a better cause than that latte I don't need. 

And now I'm going to curl up with my new pile of used books. Because really, they never get old. 

Poster from Sheila's recent reading and talk about
animals in fiction at the New Hanover Public Library. 

Sheila Boneham currently lives, reads, writes, walks, paints, and plays with animals on the coast of North Carolina. You can learn more about her writing, including her Animals in Focus mysteries, and follow her blog at sheilaboneham.com or find her on Facebook. 

There's No Place Like Home

by Shannon Baker

I know the mystery world is on the high/low this week with Bouchercon fall-out. The high of soaking up mystery book vibes, the low of total exhaustion. I see the pictures and posts all over the Interwebs. I’m sad I couldn’t be there for the good times and I know they were legion.

But I experienced some pretty awesome writerness this past weekend, as well. I got to hang out, learn, be inspired, and catch book industry gossip in Denver at the Rocky Mountain Fiction Writers Colorado Gold Conference. Since I started attending this con, close to twenty years ago, I haven’t missed it once. I debated long and hard this year, thinking maybe I’d head east to Albany for my first ever Bouchercon, but in the end, I couldn’t walk away from what might be my favorite weekend of the year.

Where Bouchercon and Malice Domestic are fan based conferences, Colorado Gold focuses on writers, the craft of commercial fiction, and the industry. From Friday morning until Sunday noon, four sessions run every hour all day with workshops geared toward beginners, seasoned and even multi-pubbed writers. It’s heavily genre laden so you won’t find a lot of raised noses at mystery writers or romancers or scifi/fantasy.

For me, Colorado Gold is the Woodstock of writers conferences. We all get down in the mud, expose ourselves, and have the time of our lives. Okay, I might have stretched that metaphor some, but a conference like this is one place where writers can go and be surrounded with others who share our same dysfunctions (which are also legion).

When I attended my first Colorado Gold, I brought a completed manuscript with me, certain it would thrill an agent and I’d be off on my publishing adventure. I signed up for a one-on-one session with Michael Seidman, a real live New York editor, to critique my first three pages. We got through page one, which started 1/3 of the way down the page. He didn’t spare the feelings of an idealistic Nebraska girl. I walked out of that session barely holding back tears, ready to abandon all writing aspirations. But I ran into Janet Fogg and Karen Duvall, Julie Kaewart and Karen Lin, who understood and who assured me that writer misery loves company and to this day, are still my critique partners.

        Joanne Kennedy, me, Janet Fogg at 2009 Colorado Gold with our Pen Awards for First Novel

I first won the contest for unpublished writers at Colorado Gold in 1997. I was sure I’d be published within a year. I won the contest two more times, the last in 2008. I was finally offered a contract by Midnight Ink in 2012. It’s no coincidence I met the editor who acquired that book, Terri Bischoff, at the Colorado Gold conference.

I have no doubt I would not be published today had it not been for RMFW and the Colorado Gold conference. Attending year after year is like a Masters degree in commercial fiction and continuing education. Every time I gain some competency in a small area of craft, I discover a whole array of skills I need to learn that I didn’t even know I didn’t know, yet. Know what I mean? So I’ll keep going and keep learning and hopefully, keep improving.

With Midnight Ink Acquisitions Editor, Terri Bischoff and my contract for Tainted Mountain

 

I would have loved spending time in Albany with readers and other mystery writers and perhaps hanging out for a minute or two in the bar. But schmoozing with the writers at the Colorado Gold conference is like getting to spend the holidays at Grandma’s, with only the fun cousins and cool aunts and uncles, and no one brings green Jello.

Planning a Book Tour on the Cheap

By Beth Groundwater

Contrary to popular belief, the vast majority of fiction authors receive no funds from their publisher for conducting book tours. Any traveling most authors do is on our own nickel. Eventually, we learn to stretch those nickels as far as possible, and I thought I'd share with Inkspot readers eight tips for planning a book tour on the cheap. Many of these tips can be applied to any kind of trip.

1. Flying: If possible, avoid flying and use cheaper transportation modes. If you must fly, use frequent flyer miles or shop online for the cheapest fare, even if it means changing planes multiple times or driving to another airport close to your home or destination. For instance, living in Breckenridge, Colorado, I can leave from airports in either Denver or Colorado Springs, so I check the prices of flights leaving from both.

2. Driving: Try to carpool with another author to share the cost of gas, parking, and tolls. You can do this if you anchor a conference at one end of your tour or invite another author to tour with you.  Also, pick the vehicle among those you and your carpool partner own that has the highest gas mileage. I have a Toyota Prius that is my go-to car for book tours, that gets 45-50 miles per gallon.

3. Sleeping: Plan your route so you can stay with friends and/or family along the way and avoid paying for rooms. As an extra benefit, many of them may enjoy serving as door greeters at your bookstore signings. I usually gift my hosts with autographed copies of my books. If you do need to pay for a room, try to share the room with another author or, if going to a conference, with another attendee. Look for as cheap a room as possible, compare the price for the same room at multiple websites and by calling the property directly, or use your affinity points if you've got them. Beware of city hotels with parking garages if you're driving, because they often charge exorbitant parking fees. Lastly, I always check that the property provides free Internet service, is located in a safe area of town, and is not located next to railroad tracks.

4. Eating: Take a small cooler so you can carry meals in the car or keep them on ice in your room. Many times I've packed snacks and sandwiches for a car trip or kept yogurt and fruit in a cooler in my room for breakfasts. Even better is to find a property where breakfast is included. Ask bookstore staff before your visit if they have book club that you could meet with for a meal before or after the signing. Also check if there’s a local chapter of a relevant writing group (such as Mystery Writers of America or Sisters in Crime, in my case). Either type of group will enjoy the opportunity to visit with an author, you'll have more attendees at the signing as a result, and the group usually will pay for your meal.

5. Drinking: Take your own water bottle to conferences and events and refill it as needed. Drink just water with restaurant meals. Avoid expensive coffee and alcoholic beverages. Even more costly can be a slip of the tongue while inebriated that can cost you fans. Instead, if you're at a conference where the bar is a great place to network, nurse a soda all evening. However, if opportunity comes knocking, go for it. I've never turned down just one free drink!

6. Freebies: Don't go overboard on the giveaways. You should only need business cards and bookmarks, postcards or fliers. The expense of pens, buttons, notepads, mini-flashlights and all those other freebies can really add up. If you only make $1.50 in royalties per book, you shouldn't be spending more than 40 cents on a giveaway that you hand out to potential customers.

7. Decorating: Bring along packable eye-catching decorations for your signing table, but don't overdo it or interfere with the decorations and signage the store or conference provides. Suggestions include a small prop related to your book's theme or setting, a brightly colored tablecloth, a sign, and in my case, yellow crime scene tape. I suggest a hard candy dish on your signing table, but buy the candy in a bulk multi-pound bag at Sam's or Costco. Avoid chocolates because they can melt, and bookstore owners don't want chocolate-smeared fingers on their books.

8. Dressing: Don't buy new clothes for the tour. Most fans are comfortable with an author who is neatly dressed just one notch higher than themselves. For instance, if most of the customers in a bookstore will be wearing jeans, I wear casual slacks and a shirt with a collar. Take clothing that travels well, can be layered, and can be washed on the road, preferably at a friend or relative's house.

I've used these guidelines many times in planning my own book tours for new releases. I've combined signings with trips to mystery conferences and even a trip to Oregon to attend my daughter's college graduation. Nowadays, I mostly focus on my home state of Colorado and on tacking extra book signings or library visits onto mystery conference appearances.

 Do you have any other good ideas for book touring on the cheap?

Double Standards

Home of Franklin D. Roosevelt, Hyde Park, NY

by Lois Winston

F. Scott Fitzgerald once wrote, “Let me tell you about the rich. They are different from you and me.” The same thing can be said about celebrities. We all know that there are separate rules for celebrities. They commit crimes and most of the time serve little or no jail time. A non-celebrity committing the same acts will likely receive a stiff sentence.

Did you know, though, that the same can be said for novelists vs. screenwriters? Most novel authors are held to a very high standard when it comes to research. Editors question everything to make sure we have our facts right. In Hollywood facts don’t matter. Time and time again I see history rewritten by screenwriters who feel a movie works better if they don’t keep to the facts. Sometimes they only tweak things a little here and there. Other times they totally rewrite history.

I feel confident making these statements thanks to a conversation I had recently with a park services historian and tour guide at FDR’s home in Hyde Park. Several months ago I saw Hyde Park on the Hudson, the story of FDR’s relationship with his cousin Daisy Suckley. I brought up the movie because the exterior of the home featured in the film didn’t look like the one we were touring. That’s because the movie was filmed entirely in England, not in Hyde Park. However, as it also turned out, that was just a minor detail compared to the film’s content.

For the next ten minutes or so I heard a long list of everything the movie had gotten wrong. And when I say everything, I mean everything. No scene, whether plot or dialogue, escaped a huge rewriting of historical facts. And in some cases, had the screenwriters stuck to the actual, documented conversations and events, the movie would have been improved!

The park service had provided the producers with all sorts of records, both written and on film, which they completely ignored, twisted, and rewrote. The movie is so factually inaccurate that the park service requested all their employees see it specifically to be able to set visitors straight.

Now, I realize that sometimes authors also take artistic liberties. This often occurs in historical fiction. Sometimes an author might compress a timeline when depicting historical events or combine several historical characters into one for better plot flow. When this happens, though, the author will include an author’s note explaining why she took such liberties. Movies don’t do this. They leave us believing we’ve watched an accurate portrayal of events as they occurred during the period. It’s no wonder so many people have a skewed sense of history.

Let me tell you about screenwriters. They are different from you and me...

Award-winning author Lois Winston writes the critically acclaimed Anastasia Pollack Crafting Mystery series featuring magazine crafts editor and reluctant amateur sleuth Anastasia Pollack. Assault With a Deadly Glue Gun, the first book in the series, received starred reviews from both Publishers Weekly and Booklist. Kirkus Reviews dubbed it, “North Jersey’s more mature answer to Stephanie Plum.” Other books in the series includes Death By Killer Mop Doll, Revenge of the Crafty Corpse and the ebook only mini-mysteries Crewel Intentions and Mosaic Mayhem. Lois is also published in women’s fiction, romance, romantic suspense, and non-fiction under her own name and her Emma Carlyle pen name. Visit Lois at www.loiswinston.com, visit Emma at www.emmacarlyle.com, and visit Anastasia at the Killer Crafts & Crafty Killers blog, www.anastasiapollack.blogspot.com. Follow everyone on Twitter @anasleuth.

Renaissance Woman

By Jennifer Harlow

Work grounds me. It centers me, at least when it's not the cause of all the hell in my life. This month said hell is at the courtesy of moving so amid being on hold for over an hours (Really Comcast?!?), packing, spending more on getting my shit down to ATL than my entire car is worth, setting up utilities, researching new car and health insurance, and a trillion other little things, I needed a day to find shelter from my self-imposed shit storm.

So I taught myself how to make an e-book.

We're talking writing, editing, formatting, converting, even the fraking cover. I went mental.

Ever since Justice I've been haunting the Kindleboards forum to learn the ins and outs of the e-book world. There people like Hugh Howey bestow their considerable knowledge to us plebeians. Everything's there from the best editors, writers helping others with blurbs, the best practices, all of it. I cannot recommend this place more, even if you're a traditional author vs. hybrid like me (a foot in both traditional and indie publishing as Kindleboards told me). However, as much as I love it, the boards can be a bit soul crushing. Not from the people, they're all lovely, but what some of them advise to make any money. Namely if you want to become a full time writer you need a ton of luck, only write romance/Erotica/New Adult, and publish a new book or novella once a month. Yeah, you read that right. A NEW BOOK A MONTH. This year I'll have FOUR full length books out, two traditional and two indie. I was so proud of myself. No one besides those with ghostwriters (Patterson/Evanovitch) accomplish that in the traditional world. But in the indie world, I'm a slacker. And if I haven't disillusioned y'all enough, it cost about $1000 to get Justice made and marketed. I've made about 20% of that back. The lovely, successful indies mantra is "It's not a sprint, it's a marathon." Fair, but what if your shoes are falling apart and you're out of shape? What do you do then?

Anything you can.

On their advice, I'd been toying with releasing a "short," meaning a short story just to keep up The Galilee Falls visibility up because once a book has been released for 3 months, it falls off a "cliff" where it is basically banished to Siberia to make way for newer titles. And damned if when 3 months hit I went from about 60,000 (not terrible but not great, if my superheroes were into BDSM it'd probably be at a thousand, but there's always the next one) to currently 267,000 in the Kindle store. (Cue crying jag). Okay, I'm back from the land of self-pity where I am basically their queen.  Anyway, I needed to produce new material and apparently most of my FREAKS and Midnight Magic readers aren't into superheroes as the release of Death Takes a Holiday last month did nothing to raise sales. (Not a swipe at y'all, I swear. To each his own.) So something had to be done and that couldn't cost a thousand dollars. 

Enter the Kindleboards brigade, especially Joe Konrath's 8-hour challenge. Joe Konrath, for those who don't know, used to write the Jack Daniels mystery series, then went indie before it was cool and made a million dollars self-publishing his own stuff. He's a member of the "10 new things a year club" along with Lilianna Hart, Elle Casey, and Bella Andre. One night when Joe was drunk he decided to try and get something up on Amazon in under an hour. That included the content, formatting, and cover. That magnificent bastard succeeded. And he was surprised to find it sold a few copies in the first day even though he didn't publish it under his own name. So on his BLOG (another indie must read) he put out the challenge for us all to try it, but gave us 8 hours to do it all. I was in the throws of house crap so I didn't hear about this until after the contest was done (My timing always sucks!!!) but when I got crazed and needed an escape I decided to give it a try anyway. I sort of had the content in mind. A few blog posts I'd written for the blog tour, I could include the playlists, the first chapter of the next Galilee book, and a short story I'd written a million years ago then called "When Justin Met Joanna" (now entitled "Origins.") So, on content I was good. It was everything else where I was screwed.

But I had no fucking clue where to begin when it came to formatting and covers. I'd hired someone for those with Justice but couldn't in this case. So I had to learn these things, me who barely knows how to turn on a computer. Once again, hurrah for Kindleboards. People there led me to a program called Scrivener, which was not only a word processor a la Word but would also convert your stuff into EPUB and MOBI. I bought the sucker. Then spent my allotted eight hours screaming, crying, and smashing my computer in frustration when the converted files looked a hot mess. Formatting was either non-existent or cluttered. Whole portions were missing. But I am not a quitter. I am stubborn to a fault, I admit it, but in this case it paid off. I played around until finally it looked professional. Clean. I could now add "Knows how to format an e-book" to my list of not-that-useful skills for the real world. But I'd done it. And hopefully in the future I can repeat the process and save $200. Well see when I get around to Galilee Rising.

So, content? Check. Manuscript? Check. Now came the cover. Enter Photoshop. My mom wanted to make Memes last year so for Christmas Dad bought her the program. She was kind enough to let me install it on my computer and I began to learn it as well. Another 8 hours later (no this wasn't the same day, it was between all the moving bullshit) I had a basic understanding of filters, text, effects, etc. Then I started an account at Shutterstock. This is a site where you can get photos/illustrations/vectors (whatever those are) to use for your covers. There are literally millions to chose from. I found mine after a few more hours of searching, Photoshopped the hell out of it (another few hours) and added it to my MOBI file (another hour of trial and error), and up it went. 

Ta da! I give you...

So if you need a Galilee Falls fix, this should keep you until December. Only $.99. But in the end, this experiment may save me hundreds. I still might pay for covers but I can do the formatting myself. Now if I could only write ten books a year...

Anyway back to moving. Hope this post was helpful to all you newbies.

INKSPOT NEWS - September 14, 2013

From Thursday, September 19 - Sunday, September 22, several Midnight Ink authors will be appearing at the Bouchercon conference in Albany, NY. If you are attending, please stop by the following panels and signings to say hello!

Each night in the bar, some of the Midnight Ink authors will be ... well ... drinking in the bar.  Hope to see you! -- Ray Daniel, Jessie Chandler, Alice Loweecey, Colin Campbell, Catriona McPherson, Terri Nolan, G.M. Malliet, C.J. Carpenter

Thursday, September 19:

1:20—2:15 PM:  Panel in Room 6: You’re Only Human; Catriona McPherson

1:20 PM—2:15 PM:  Panel in Room 4: Storm Front; Terri Nolan

3:15— 4:00 PM:  Midnight Ink group signing at Mystery Mike's booth: Jessie Chandler, Pickle in the Middle Murder; Alice Loweecey, Veiled Threat; Colin Campbell, Jamaica Plain; Catriona McPherson, As She Left It; Terri Nolan, Burden of Truth

4:00 PM — 4:55 PM:  Panel in Room 4: No Man's Land - Breaking the Rules (Knox's 10 Commandments of Mystery Writing); G.M. Malliet

Friday, September 20:

9:30 —10:00 AM: Author's Choice in Room 5: Nuns and Cults and Shenanigans, Oh My!; Alice Loweecey

12:30 PM—1:25 PM:  Panel in Room 3: You Picked a Real Bad Time; Colin Campbell

1:30 PM:  G.M. Malliet signing in the Midnight Ink booth

1:50 PM—2:45 PM:  Panel in Room 2: Entertainer; Catriona McPherson

Saturday, September 21:

9:00 — 9:50 AM: Panel in Room 4: Streetlife Serenade: The Many Avenues of the PI, Alice Loweecey

10:20 AM—11:15 AM: Panel in Room 2: You May Be Right; Colin Campbell

3:10 PM—4:05 PM:  Panel in Room 7: Captain Jack; C.J. Carpenter, & Colin Campbell

Sunday, September 22:

9:00 AM—9:55 AM: Panel in Room 1: Don’t Ask Me Why; Jessie Chandler

Our Insta-Read Author Lists

Fall is upon us.  How do I know?  Not from the cool shadows, kids at the bus stop, or the chilly mornings.  I know it's fall because it's time to read another Lee Child book.

Lee Child is one of my insta-read authors.  Insta-read authors are a special breed.  They write it.  I read it.  Automatically and without question.  My insta-read list is short and includes Malcolm Gladwell, Michael Lewis and Steve Ulfelder.  Lee Child's latest release got me thinking about the insta-read list and the very personal process by which each of us create such a list.

There are many paths to the insta-read list.  For example fantasy readers often add an author to their insta-read list because they want to return to the world of the stories. When I was young I read Stephen R. Donaldson's Thomas Covenant books at one go because Covenant went back to The Land in every book and I wanted to go with him.   It was fun to go to a new place. Today, George R. R. Martin readers instantly read the next installment of the Game of Thrones, set in the land of Westeros.  The land is so important that the HBO TV series opens with a sweeping flyover of Westeros's map.

Mystery readers add authors to their insta-read list because they want to spend more time with the series character.  I was hooked on Spenser from the moment I read The Goldwulf Manuscript.  Today I'm hooked on Steve Ulfelder's character Conway Sax, Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum and, naturally, Lee Child's Jack Reacher.

Of course, setting and character don't explain how Malcolm Gladwell or Michael Lewis got onto my list.  They don't have a world or a main character.  They don't even have a specific area of expertise.  Michael Lewis has written about baseball, football, Silicon Valley, and Wall Street.   Malcolm Gladwell has written about fads, snap decisions, and society's influence on individual success. It's hard to predict the topic of their next books, but easy to predict that I'll read those books as soon as they come out.  Why?  Because I know that regardless of the topic these authors tell compelling stories about interesting topics using an excellent voice.  Consider the first line of Michael Lewis's The Blind Side

From the snap of the ball to the snap of the first bone is closer to four seconds than to five.

This is a voice that must be read instantly.

Ultimately, voice is the underpinning of my insta-read list.  Reading is a profoundly personal process in which I let someone insert words, thoughts, and emotions into my brain.  It's like signing up to live in The Matrix.  If I'm going to allow someone to fiddle with my neurons,  I want to them to do it in a way that fits smoothly into the neurons already there.  I want someone whose writing tickles the pleasure centers and makes me think, and I know that my insta-read authors get the job done.  

In a world where there are so many books and so little time, an author who gets the job done leaps to the top of our reading piles.

Speaking of reading piles, who are your insta-read authors?

Christmas All Year Long

My fourth Chloe Ellefson mystery, Heritage of Darkness, is soon hitting the bookshelves. Chloe Ellefson, my curator-protagonist, has traveled to Vesterheim Norwegian-American Museum in Iowa.

The book takes place during the first week of December, 1982. Chloe is asked to interview several elderly people about their Christmas traditions. Those traditions shape the plot. The book’s climactic scenes takes place against the backdrop of the museum’s annual Norwegian Christmas Weekend.

Several friends have wondered about the Christmas theme. Have I limited my audience? Will people want to read the book in July? Will Jewish readers be put-off?  Etc., etc.

I can’t help wondering why I haven’t ever gotten the similar questions in reverse. The first book in the series, Old World Murder, takes place in June; The Heirloom Murderstakes place in July; The Light Keeper’s Legacy takes place in September. No one’s ever asked if I’m worried that readers won’t want to read those books in winter.  No one’s suggested that the series is only of interest to Christian readers because Chloe was raised in the Lutheran church.

Perhaps it’s the specific holiday that prompts the question.  Are people in the mood for Christmas reading while sunning on a beach?  Will people who don’t observe Christmas be interested?

Obviously, I hope so.  What attracted me to this time and place is the wealth of heritage and traditions swirling around the holiday observances.

Photo courtesy Vesterheim Norwegian-American Museum.

Chloe discovers that some of the customs popular in Norwegian-American communities have roots that stretch far into the pagan past, when evil spirits roamed the skies during the darkest, coldest days of the year. Any humble peasant who dared venture forth was in danger, and people developed unique traditions as they tried to ward away evil.

Darkness, evil, fear…all pretty good stuff for a mystery writer!  I had great fun weaving some of the folklore into the plot.

So, what do you think? Are you careful to read books only “in season?” Do you mind reading books that touch on specific holidays? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Want to learn more? You'll find lots of resources on the Heritage of Darkness page of my website.

Summer Treat

Hi guys.  It's great to be back at Inkspot on the day my Midnight Ink stand-alone AS SHE LEFT IT is published.  What a long and winding road!  But finally I get to make my little book a sandwich, check that it's got a clean hanky and send it off out into the world with a pat on the bottom and an almost soundless sob.

As you might guess from the jacket:

That Saturday was the hottest day yet, the hottest day ever, since records began.  Opal woke at five o’clockwith the sun already throbbing in at the bedroom window and the air still thick and damp from the heat of the day before.  She went for her bus and no one in the queue had a jacket over their arm or an umbrella folded up along the top of their handbag.  Everyone – even the men – was wearing sandals.  And out at the store two of the assistant managers were putting up parasols next to the doorway.  Round in the warehouse, Dave and a supervisor from Wet Fish were dragging an open-front chiller on a trolley towards the flap doors.

‘Email from Head Office,’ Dave said.    It’s going to the door for water.  We’ve to fill it with chipped ice off of Fish and hand out bottled water.’ 

‘Whole bottles,’ said the Wet Fish supervisor.  He was already in his white coat and trilby.  ‘Not like samples.  Not plastic beakers like a tasting.’

‘Because we asked them,’ Dave said.  ‘Whole bottles.  For free.’

That was the start of the day’s madness.  The barbecue hordes came early.  Usually it was gone eleven before they started drifting in, tattooed and topless, filling deep trolleys with charcoal and Polish lager, but that day the first of them arrived before nine and some of the very first bought all of the ice, then the later ones wanted to know where the chipped ice in the open front chiller by the door had come from and why couldn’t they get some too.  And one of the assistant managers had to be beeped to come and explain that it wasn’t edible ice and couldn’t be used in drinks, but then Charlotte had a mother complaining that one of the girls giving out the water had said to her little boy that he could have a scoop of it in his empty slushy-cup and he’d eaten the lot. 

And there was no cream in the dairy drop at ten o’clock – none at all – double, single, whipping, clotted, even Chantilly – and the UHT and aerosol ran out and after that everyone who had picked up strawberries on a twofer started putting them back again, only hardly anyone bothered to go back and dump them with the rest of the strawberries; they just shoved them onto the nearest shelf and the store started to fill up with cartons of sweating strawberries and Kate and Rhianne, detailed to seek them out and bring them home couldn’t do it because the warehouse boys had brought out more and there was nowhere to put them, so they got stickered down and piled up in Reduced but that only started the whole strawberries-cream-no-cream-no-strawberries cycle all over again until, as Rhianne said:

“I’m starting to recognise some of these buggers.  This is the third time I’ve moved the carton with that big one like Santa’s nose.’